Repeat after me
“Repeat after me, mommy,” our 12 year old daughter said after school one day with her shining eyes “That’s a fantastic job!”
“That’s a fantastic job!” I said, copying her enthusiasm.
“You worked hard! And I’m proud of you!”
“You worked hard! And I’m proud of you!”
“You’ll go far in life!”
“You’ll go far in life!”
“Okay. That’s good enough,” she said contently. “Here is my physics test I aced last week.”
Sure enough, she got 100% on the unit test. The test was on momentum and energy transfer.
Yes, she is smart academically. Yes, I’m proud. But that’s not the point.
The point is that through work, I’ve met many talented and gifted students. Yet very few feel they’re smart. It’s hard for parents to balance between praising their kids too much and imparting modesty, so when in doubt, many parents do neither.
To me, what I think of my daughter’s intelligence is of very little value. It is what she thinks of herself that matters. And that’s where the “repeat after me” was born one day. After a hard day at work where I couldn’t put a positive dent on a 4.2 GPA Ivy League bound sophmore, I asked my daughter how she’d want to be acknowledged.
“That’s easy, mommy. Just repeat after me and I get to decide how I want you to show you’re proud of me.”
Most of us are proud of our kids or we wouldn’t hang on to their old guitar, old ballerina slippers, soccer trophies, swimming gear, tennis racquets or the last “I love you, mommy” note. Why not let your child decide how to feel that you’re proud of his/her accomplishment? Got a child who can’t compliment herself? Maybe let her know you value her self esteem more than modesty. After all, when one day, when you and I are gone, our kids will have to repeat after themselves. And what they say then to themselves would be all that matters.