Door-2-Math Blog

“Repeat after me, mommy,” our 12 year old daughter said after school one day with her shining eyes “That’s a fantastic job!”

“That’s a fantastic job!” I said, copying her enthusiasm.

“You worked hard! And I’m proud of you!”

“You worked hard! And I’m proud of you!”

“You’ll go far in life!”

“You’ll go far in life!”

“Okay. That’s good enough,” she said contently. “Here is my physics test I aced last week.”

Sure enough, she got 100% on the unit test. The test was on momentum and energy transfer.

Yes, she is smart academically. Yes, I’m proud. But that’s not the point.

The point is that through work, I’ve met many talented and gifted students. Yet very few feel they’re smart. It’s hard for parents to balance between praising their kids too much and imparting modesty, so when in doubt, many parents do neither.

To me, what I think of my daughter’s intelligence is of very little value. It is what she thinks of herself that matters. And that’s where the “repeat after me” was born one day. After a hard day at work where I couldn’t put a positive dent on a 4.2 GPA Ivy League bound sophmore, I asked my daughter how she’d want to be acknowledged.

“That’s easy, mommy. Just repeat after me and I get to decide how I want you to show you’re proud of me.”

Most of us are proud of our kids or we wouldn’t hang on to their old guitar, old ballerina slippers, soccer trophies, swimming gear, tennis racquets or the last “I love you, mommy” note. Why not let your child decide how to feel that you’re proud of his/her accomplishment? Got a child who can’t compliment herself? Maybe let her know you value her self esteem more than modesty. After all, when one day, when you and I are gone, our kids will have to repeat after themselves. And what they say then to themselves would be all that matters.

“A car is a car,” a new prospective parent announced during the assessment feedback portion of my assessment of his daughter’s math. “It takes you from point A to point B.”

“A beat up For will do if grocery shopping is all you need,” I countered. “I sure want at least a reliable Toyota if my daughter wants to drive from Tucson to Boston for Hrvard medical school, wouldn’t you?”

“But she’s getting A’s and B’s, why would I part with that much money and ‘rebuild her math’ as you say she needs?”

“How sure are you about the A’s and B’s?” I asked. “Are you willing to let your daughter’s dream of being a pediatrician on it?” The 9th grader attends one of the private schools in town that is famous for grade inflation.

“Look, all I’m saying is, with my program or not, your daughter’s math is equivalent of a beat up Ford. If all she wants  is to attend a local community college and find a regular 9-5 job, then you’re right, why spend more on top of private tuition. But she wants to go further than that. Then I’m telling you her current math foundation will not take her there. It will not be enough to pass Calculus II which is required for medical school.”

“Honey, let Dr. Pan talk. You don’t have to like the message, but don’t shoot the messenger,” added his wife. “Look I grew up in Communist China, I sure am suspicious when it comes to “being sold”, ” I continued to address the father. “Just think about it when you go home. Ask your daughter how important it is for her to go after her dream. She just entered 9th grade, we still have time.”

So dear reader, what math vehicle does your child have? If it is in good shape to take your child where she/he wants to go? “Ford” is good enough for rudimentary entry level jobs, “Toyota” is much more reliable; Mercedes would be great while Bentley makes a statement.

Did the dad sign up his daughter? You bet. Was it worth it? Seven years later, his daughter passed her required Calculus II and got into medical school. You tell me.

Having a strong math foundation is the surest way to prevent math struggle. Just how do parents go about building that strong math foundation? The rule of thumb is subtract your child’s age from 21 and that’s close to the weekly # of hours a parent ought to use on building the math foundation at home. So for a typical 7 year old 1st grader, that comes to about 14 hours per week or 3 hours per day, 5 times a week. Shokingly long? And for a 18 year old senior, that number is roughly 3 hours per week, enough to complete the homework assignment each time the class meets. Shockingly short?

If you find it counterintuitive, you’re not alone. The vast majority of families have the upside down pyramid – spending very little time if any on building the math foundation when kids are young, then panicking and insisting on long hours of study when math tumbles over when the student enters high school. By then, the amount of math material is daunting, with adolescent hormones and the breakdown of parent-child communication, plus peer pressure, you have a total math meltdown. Adding salt to injury, grades matter all of a sudden. Colleges want to know that your child had what it takes to succeed, so an F in Algebra 1 Freshman year somehow matters more than a B+ in Trigonometry in senior year.

“It’s just not fair!” one of my seniors with a 2.75 GPA complains. He is right. The system is not fair, especially since he worked so hard to raise his trig grade from an F to 91%.

3 hours of math sounds like a tall order to fill even for the most ambitious type A parent who buys in to start early. The trick is to divide and conquer: take them grocery shopping, point out the sale items and see how much you save; take them to the mailbox and add the zip codes up on the junk mail pieces; take them to the gas station and watch the gas  meter go up as you pump gas… The point is math is all around, you don’t have to use Asian drill sessions hours on end. The point is if math building is on your mind, it’ll be on your kids.