“Do you see what I see?”
“Why would I want to do that?” asked Johnny to his mother, Teresa. The three of us, mother, so and I were sitting on my round table. Johnny is a 7th grader and Teresa holds an advanced degree in Chemistry. Johnny’s grades have improved steadily, and phase II of his program is now in full swing. During this phase, Johnny’s mother is invited back to work directly with Johnny with me as an observer and facilitator.
“Don’t use that tone on me,” rebutted his mother to Johnny. Now, there is no doubt in my mind that their relationship is a love one for I have watched their interaction for 3 months when the program started. Since protecting and nurturing a child’s confidence is the name of the game, in the past when sensing non-constructive interaction is about to take over, I stop the conversation and ask the parent to simply observe my work with the student and leave it at that.
“I’m not!” Johnny shot back before I had chance to say a thing.
“Now there, Johnny,” I reached over and patted Teresa gently so she could hold her tongue a bit longer, “what got you frustrated just then?”
“Well, she thinks she knows the stuff, but what she teaches me just confuses me. The teacher at school does not do it the same way.”
“Hm….so you don’t see why your mom asked you to rewrite that fraction in a different way?”
“No. Do you?”
“I do, Johnny. See the thing is I can see where you got stuck and also why your mother thought her suggestion would be helpful. I can see both because this is what I do for living. If you put me in your mom’s shoes as a chemist, I have no clue which liquid to pour where.”
“Well, if you put it that way.”
“See, huh, I don’t see what you see, Johnny.” Teresa interjected. “I’m here to learn from how to work with you. I am as new at this as you are. I haven’t seen this stuff since I was in my teens!”
Right then and there, it dawned on me that I need not worry about parent-child pecking. When love and devotion are present, a communication bridge will connect Teresa’s solution to Johnny’s problem if I could help them see what each does not see.
“Try this, Teresa” I said, “when Johnny is fighting your help, ask him ‘Do you see what I see?’” Quick, sharp and devoted as she is, Teresa picked it up right way. “He is not angry with my help, is he?”
“No, I’m not. I just don’t see what you see, Mom.”
“Give me a place to pivot, I’ll move the Earth”, Archimedes once said. Well, there you are, pivot on the phrase ‘Do you see I see’ when you feel your Johnny is rejecting your help.
Happy Zen Math!
(C) Feenix Pan, 2008. All Rights Reserved.