Motherhood vs. 8-lbs Family Dog
This always gets me! Ever since reading Dan Baker’s book on What Happy People Know (awful title; useful material), I made a point to practice at least one principle in the car with the kids while dropping them off to school. What in the end settled is the principle of ‘appreciation’. According to Dr. Baker, the act of appreciating is the backbone of being happy. Anyway, since day one of our daily 3-appreciations in the car, my 9-year old has always, I mean always, putting the darn family dog ahead of me (if she did put me in her appreciation list at all).
So this morning, I once again bit my tongue, swallowed a pint of blood (just kidding, but you get the picture) while Alexa proceeded to appreciate Coco: “I appreciate coco. She is cute, soft and cuddly. She hugs me while I read and is so happy to see my everyday. She sleeps by me at night and she makes me happy. I love Coco.”
Sigh! What about me?! I fed you. I clothed you. I teach you how to coordinate your clothes. I comb your hair when you let me. I remind you to clean your room, to unload the dishwasher, to do your violin, to put your sun lotion on, to brush your teeth, to hand in your homework, to clean after the dog, to hang up your towel, to not pick a fight with your brother, to, to, to, to…. The list goes on!
Then it dawned on me! The dog does not expect anything from Alexa. Coco is just happy to see she’s home. That is all! It’s sad, but it is what it is. As a mother, I cannot let the water flow where it wants to do, sort of speaking. In attempting to guide her to where she can have a fulfilling life, I need to impart critical life skills to my daughter where she can not only function as an adult but also to pursue her dreams. That means I don’t have the dog’s, Coco’s luxury of expecting nothing but ‘I’m so happy to see you’. Coco is Alexa’s pet and I’m Alexa’s Guardian. At the end of the day, if I failed to dig the trench guiding my daughter to where it would be beneficial to her, I’ve failed as her guardian. Coco can’t do my job and neither can I do Coco’s.
In giving Alexa the room to appreciate what makes her ‘happy’, I learned two things: 1. I’m not Coco and 2. Thank goodness I’m not doing Coco’s job. If that day ever comes where Alexa appreciates me, it’d be when she is a mother herself. Until then, trench digging is what I do best.
(c) Feenix Pan, 2007. All Rights Reserved.