Are You Taking the hmmmm’s out of Math?
Last October, our 6-year old son decided that his sister’s chess trophy is too shinny to not have one of his own. Ever since then, he has been bugging my husband and I to teach him chess so he get his own shiny trophy. I never liked chess and sure was not willing to learn it for his behalf, so the task of making the next Bobby Fisher fell on my husband’s shoulder. Mind you, that husband of mine is an engineer by training and a financial investor by nature, so he is as analytical as they come.
So what does this all have to do with your child’s math, you ask. Well, one day, as I was observing my husband teaching our son the essence of mid-game, on me that in teaching chess (or perhaps in teaching at large), what you don’t say is more important that what you say. For example, when our son brought out his Queen piece shortly after the opening ‘angry bow’ configuration, my husband said, “oho, you’re not looooooking carefully.” What seems like an innocent comment produced a dramatic shift in our son’s posture, his facial expression and made my stomach sink (and I wasn’t even playing the game). Not long after the first ‘oho’, the dynamics of the game went downhill within 5 or 6 moves and it wasn’t long before I heard ‘check’, ‘check’, ‘check mate’.
So here is the question to you: when you work on math with your child, are you taking all the ‘oho’? Are you aware of what you are saying and not saying? Are you aware how tense your muscle is? Jaw tightening? Frown? Howabouthmmmm’s ? Do you grab your child’s pencil? His paper? His book? His notes? His worksheet? How conscious are you around your child’s math? Think about it — how long do you think it’d be before you started dieting if you’re living among feather light ballerinas?
Here are some things you can do if you must (or insist) on helping your child with his math:
- start when you’re in good shape stress-wise (tough day at work? don’t go near your child’s math)
- have your own pencil (better yet, your own pen)
- sit facing your child, so you have to read and write upside down. This will slow your process down enough for your child to catch on.
- agree ahead of time on how your child can tell you enough is enough (in a polite and acceptable way to you both)
- remind yourself that not finishing homework is not the end of the world. Your child’s emotional health is more important than a passing score. Math can always be re-taught by a professional, your child’s confidence is almost always a one-way ticket.
Sometimes we gain more by letting go.
Happy Zen Math!
(c) Feenix Pan, 2006. All Rights Reserved.