Door-2-Math Blog

I often come in contact with 2 types of parents at work. The first parent tells me that their 3rd grader is doing so well in math that they don’t think help is needed and the second parent tells me that their 8th grader used to do so well in math but is now struggling. In reality the two parents are facing the same issue 5 years apart.

To understand what the real issue is, think of math the same as learning to read. Grades 1 to 5 are all about learning the math alphabet (letter ‘A’ is addition, ‘B’ is subtraction and ‘C’ is multiplication etc.). Grades 5-7 are about putting the math letters together to form math words (combine 2 or more math concepts to solve simple math problems). From grade 8 and onward, math is about using those math words  to read and understand math novels (use all the concepts learned in math to solve real life problems).

As you can see, without the math alphabet, it’s very hard to make math words and near impossible to read math novels. The sad thing is, many times, bright kids don’t end up learning the math alphabet because it’s not properly taught at schools – a teacher might have an off-year and not spend enough time on fractions.

So when a parent of a 4th grader comes to me and says that Maggie is doing really well in math, I do my due diligence and sit down with Maggie to make sure that she really does have all her math alphabets.  I check to see her understanding of fractions (and make sure that the teacher is not just giving her As) so that Maggie doesn’t slide in the 8th grade just because her Mom had thought an ‘A’ means ‘All is well’.

Grades 1 to 5 are the most important and yet also the most treacherous years in a child’s math education. It’s very easy for a child not to learn a few of the math letters properly yet got passed on with good grades.  It’s much harder to fix the problem when Maggie is in the 8th grade.

Just like cavities in teeth, kids don’t struggle with math overnight.  To prevent math struggle in 8th grades, guard math alphabets with vigilance.

We took our two young kids to see Avatar this past Saturday. Having cried her eyes out over Titanic, the other James Cameron movie, I was glad to hear our 12-year old daughter commenting “that was a fun movie!”. Our 8-year old, however, did not weather it well. First he refused to cry when the old holy tree got shot down; then he picked a fight and pushed his sister’s buttons before the movie credits went up. I offered to hold him and even encouraged his tears because, I told him, “grown up men cry too” but the mood didn’t change.

“Would you like to plant something of your own?” my daughter solicited once I whispered how sad the movie had made her brother. And that was exactly what he needed! I guess somehow planting and the prospect of taking care of a “tree” of his own made it okay to shed tears without crying.

Thyme, out of all the herbs was the one my son picked up at the nursery. Thyme heals.

“I ask my daughter of nothing!” a prospective student’s mom told me during our first in-person assessment. “I clean her room, do her laundry, pick her up, drop her off and even clean after the dog that her boyfriend gave her for Christmas!” she went on saying.

“And what do you ask for in return?” I was curious.

“Nothing. I just want her to focus on school.”

What this mother doesn’t know is that by doing and giving, she is taking away her daughter’s ability to be self-sufficient.

“Is your daughter appreciative of your sacrifice?”

“No, she is not! She gets upset when I question her about her grades,” the mother said quietly.

It’s been awhile since she’s let anyone come close enough to take a look at her school work?” I asked.

“Long while. And I’m worried for her. It can’t be good to be under so much stress about grades as she is. Dr. Pan, you don’t know how hard she studies! It breaks my heart to see her fail.”

I can only imagine,” I agreed with her. “Your daughter’s math is behind but not to the point that I can’t help.”

“Oh, thank you!”

“But that’s not the hard part,” I pointed out. “The hard part actually rests on your shoulders.”

“Anything for my daughter, she wants to be a doctor healing others you know.”

“Good for her.”

“And what do I have to do? I didn’t like math when I was in school and her math is way beyond me now.”

“Math part I can handle. But how you relate to your daughter – that part only you can do.”

“What do you mean, Dr. Pan?”

“By insisting on doing everything for her, I’m guessing your daughter is terrified to let you down. And when she does get a poor grade, she could only study harder but her tools are limited. The funny thing about learning math is that unless a student understands why a formula looks the way it does, it is nearly useless to memorize it for the test.”

“Because she can’t figure out how to use it under pressure such as during tests.” the mom caught on quickly.

“What I’m saying is that unless you stop “doing and giving”, she won’t have any other place to learn from her mistakes. By “doing and giving” all the time, you’re taking away her freedom to fail.”

“That does oddly make sense to me,” the mother pondered out loud. “So what am I to do?”

“Take a step sideways and teach her how to fail the right way. Give her permission to have a messy room, dirty laundry and a starving dog. If you can give her that space at home, she’ll have the mental space here to learn math.”

As it turned out, my student detests messy chaos around her. In the months that followed, tough spots and all, we got through her Algebra 2 and Trig with high B’s.